WHY ME?

Turning “Why, Yah?” into “I Believe.”

Michael “Kuntry” Holloway

Copyright © 2026

Michael “Kuntry” Holloway

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed in any form without written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews or ministry use.

Printed in the United States of America.

DEDICATION

To the ones who cried out in the dark and felt unheard.

To the ones who asked God “why” and were met with silence.

To the ones still breathing when it hurts to.

This book is for you.

And for the God who never left—

Even when it felt like He did.

CHAPTER ONE

Why Me?

It always starts the same way.

Why me?

Why this body?

Why this pain?

Why this road when I tried to do right?

I didn’t ask for suffering.

I didn’t ask for weakness.

I didn’t ask for my life to unravel while others seemed untouched.

I asked God questions I never thought I would ask.

Questions born from exhaustion, not rebellion.

From grief, not anger.

And still… the sky stayed quiet.

But silence doesn’t mean absence.

Sometimes silence is God letting you breathe long enough to realize—

He’s still there.

CHAPTER TWO

When Faith Hurts

Faith isn’t always worship music and raised hands.

Sometimes faith is laying in the dark whispering,

“Yah… I don’t understand this.”

Faith hurts when the prayers don’t get answered the way you hoped.

When your body is tired.

When your mind won’t rest.

Real faith isn’t loud.

It’s stubborn.

It stays when walking away would be easier.

It believes when proof is gone.

It breathes when everything says quit.

God never asked me to be strong.

He asked me to stay.

CHAPTER THREE

The Breaking Point

There comes a moment when “Why me?” changes.

Not because the pain stops.

Not because answers come.

But because something inside you shifts.

I stopped asking why this was happening to me

And started asking what could come through me.

Pain strips away what’s false.

The pride.

The noise.

The pretending.

What remains is truth.

I wasn’t being punished.

I was being shaped.

CHAPTER FOUR

The Turning Point

One day the question changed again.

Why not me?

Why not let my story mean something?

Why not let my weakness show God’s strength?

Why not let the pain produce purpose?

That’s when belief stopped being a word

And became a decision.

I believed even when I couldn’t stand.

I believed even when I couldn’t see.

I believed because giving up meant forgetting who carried me this far.

CHAPTER FIVE

I Believe

I believe God is still good, even when life isn’t.

I believe suffering doesn’t cancel purpose.

I believe tears count as prayers.

I believe endurance is worship.

I believe the broken are not forgotten.

I believe survival is holy.

I believe grace is still enough.

And I believe one day

Everything that hurt

Will make sense.

Until then, I will breathe.

I will believe.

I will stay.

CLOSING PRAYER

Yah,

I don’t have all the answers.

But I give You what I have left.

My fear.

My pain.

My questions.

Teach me to trust You in the waiting.

Hold me when I am weak.

Use my life, even in its brokenness.

I believe.

Even now.

Especially now.

Amen.